10 Most Evil Scariest Names for Male and Female Babies

When it comes to choosing the most evil, scariest names for male and female babies I must say, people can get very creative. Too creative, sometimes, but in order to make it into this list, creative just won’t cut it. There are some really ill-hearted people out there who will give their children hideous, ridiculous names that will hang over their heads as long as they live. In case you were wondering what NOT to name your progeny, I will hereby present you with a catalog of awful possibilities. However, if you are actually looking to give your baby a nasty name, then you should also check out our list of 10 Most Evil Elected Presidents Who Killed the Most People. 

Names are often a reflection of the parent’s state of mind and/or ideology; you have no idea how many people named Hitler there are, and many of them are named “Adolf”, too! There’s even a documentary film on the matter titled “Meet the Hitlers”. Bearing this in mind, I believe what makes a name evil or scary is that it immediately makes you ask yourself: “Who the HELL are these parents?!”

There are many paths that leas to a creation of a foul name, and I will tell you what they are; I’ll also throw in a few examples, so you can begin to wrap your mind around what will follow:

– The name evokes a specific historic or fictional character known for their deranged malevolence. I.E.: Attila the Hun (no explanation needed), or Samara (the little dead girl from “The Ring”)

– It’s a word with a negative or super-awkward meaning. I.E.: Anus (banned in Denmark, with good reason)

– It’s just a bunch of ridiculous words thrown together in seemingly random order. I.E.: Bogart Che Peyote (Parents are most likely movie buff, revolutionary, hippie burn-outs)

– It’s a pun. I.E.: Jack Daniel (for a kid with fetal alcohol syndrome; not “haha” funny, but still a pun)

– It’s GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT (and it’s a thousand times worse when it’s on purpose) I.E.: Chairish (It’s also a pun, so double kudos for this parents in the douchebag department)

– It clashes with the last name, making it sound ridiculous. I.E.: North West (Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s daughter… As if that weren’t bad enough)

– It means something completely different in another language. I.E.: Kok Wanting (It probably doesn’t mean the same in his native as it does in English)

– It has “Nevaeh” in it. (This is for some reason an extremely popular name, and it’s just so bafflingly stupid it makes me want to punch them all, baby included)

Now, this might surprise you (or maybe not), but based on my research, I believe the world’s best region for weird, often sadistic names, is Latin America, seconded by Australia and its continental pals. Which names are rejected and which are not might sometimes seem random or arbitrary, but every country has its own laws on the matter. For instance, in New Zeland, names such as Stallion, Yeah Detroit, Fish and Chips, Sex Fruit, Satan, and Adolf Hitler are rejected, while Midnight Chardonnay, Number 16 Bus Shelter, and Violence are A-Okay. How “Number 16 Bus Shelter” is better than “Yeah Detroit”, I have no idea.

Now, of course, one can outgrow one’s name and become their own person, but there is no denying that carrying such significant label ALWAYS takes a toll, especially during childhood. That, however, won’t stop the parents, because the list of atrocious names is so long it would take me years to factor all of them in; I had to cut it short, although it wasn’t easy.

So, Are you ready for some ugly-ass baby names? No? Too bad. Let’s move on to n° 10 in our list of most evil, scariest names for male and female babies. Click Next!

10. Shay’lenn Heaven Nevaeh Hope

Set aside what I said about ANY name involving “Nevaeh” being one of the most evil, scariest names for male and female babies, what this Facebook commenter says is true: “Why do you need Heaven forwards AND backwards?”, and that’s coming from someone named “Desarae”. I’m not even going to rant on the “Shay’lenn Hope” part, I think this baby’s had enough as it is. I’d say “Screw those parents!”, but I’m guessing that’s how this whole thing got started, so I won’t.

9. Frankenstein de Jesus

Well, that’s a strange combination! Granted, “de Jesús” is fairly common in Latin countries for a male name, but why-oh-why would they go for Frankenstein? Did they even read the book? The parents are monsters for sure, but are they aware that Frankenstein’s the scientist and not the creation? Probably not.

Also, I’m intrigued to know how the church feels about this name, but I’m guessing “not psyched” is most likely to be the answer. Now, let’s see what else we have in our list of most evil, scariest names for male and female babies.

8. Kimyonce

All I can say is that she better grow up to be a mocha-chocolate curva-licious goddess, otherwise she won’t be able to fill the shoes, or the pants, which would be more appropriate in this case; besides, it just sounds ridiculous. I also came across a “Britney Shakira Beyoncé”, which is down the same alley, but avoids playing it “clever” by combining the names.

7. Chinesegirl Thumbelina

If you don’t believe me, here is her MUGSHOT. Yep, that’s what you get when you get your kid’s ethnicity wrong and slam it on her name (just look at the mugshot). And as if that weren’t bad enough, she es also named after the tiniest, lamest character in children’s books ever. The crime she was arrested for is not that terrible, just a traffic infringement; in all fairness, she is named Thumbelina, so maybe she couldn’t reach the breaks. Let’s see what’s next in our list of most evil, scariest names for male and female babies.

6. Sssst

What? Oh, Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.

First of all, “Sssst” is already a rude way to address someone, so it’s no wonder why it has made it into the most scary, evil baby names in the world. If you want to name your kid an appellative there are many other ways to do so. I’ve seen “Sir”, “Miss”, “Mister” (“Mister Rambo” I found especially hilarious), and even “Dude”, but this is the “sssshittiest” of them all.

5. Orgasm

Sure, I’ll take a bunch of those, but without the babies please.

I’m pretty certain they named her that in reference to how the shag in which she was conceived went; good for them -I guess- but was it really necessary to plant it on her ID? Never mind the irreparable psychological scars that poor child will carry with her throughout life, but think how awkward it will be for everyone else! Think of the teachers! Oh, wait, that actually sounds kind of fun. And now, let’s see the top four entries in our list of most evil, scariest names for male and female babies.

4. Lord Voldemort

You are probably familiar with Harry Potter’s arch nemesis, Lord Voldemort, that ranks 4th in our list of most evil, scariest names for male and female babies, whose “real” name was “Tom Marvolo Riddle” (mix that up and you’ll get “I am Lord Voldemort”). There are a lot of people named Tom Riddle in the world, 123 at least, but this parents have taken black magic to a whole new level. I don’t want to be prejudice, but let’s just keep an eye on this kid, ok? And here’s piece of advice for his teachers: if he starts talking to snakes, RUN.

3. Phelony

Well, this girl sure is going places… like JAIL. Someone please call social services.

I wonder if they were going for “Peony” but got it mixed up with “felony” and just couldn’t be bothered to check a dictionary; that would the best case scenario, but I doubt that’s it. No, even that would be giving them too much credit, because it’s still better to be an ignorant dunce than a sadist prick, and my bet is that these parents are the latter. They probably couldn’t get away with naming her “Felony”, so they came up with the “Ph” crap. They probably think they’re smart, but they’re just evil. And ignorant. And stupid.

2. Assholé (pronounced Ashley)

Did the parents name the child after themselves? Because they seem like real assholés to me. Maybe they did say “Ashley” but the guy at the name register office was too busy having a MAJOR STROKE at the time, and little Assholé was the result. In any case, it certainly doesn’t describe the way she was conceived, otherwise, well… she wouldn’t have been; that’s simple biology.

Also, I don’t care how it’s pronounced, it reminds me of “Meet the Fockers” baby that learns to say “assh-hool”. Maybe he was friends with little Assholé and was just calling out for her; you never know with babies. And now, let’s see the number one on our list of most evil, scariest names for male and female babies.

1. Hashtag Follow

Even though addiction to Twitter is yet to be diagnosed, these parents are definitely social media junkies. This here is the virtual equivalent of a drug addict naming their kid “Heroin Cocaine”, an over eater calling their child “Muffin cupcake”, or a sex addict christening their son or daughter “Blowjob Anal”; it just isn’t right. And yet, “Hashtag Follow” is still one of the most evil, scariest names for male and female babiesmost evil, scariest names for male and female babies of them all! Beware, Mom and Dad, Black Mirror  (best -and scariest- show ever) is coming for you!

I hope you’ve enjoyed this poor children’s eternal damnation; now go give your parents a hug and thank them for naming you “Gary”, instead of “Anus”!