You’ve probably been guilty of buying some useless products you never should’ve bought. We’ve all been guilty of getting caught up in the hype of a new product, and been guilty of letting ourselves be swayed by some glamorous commercial or late-night informercial touting some new product that seems invaluable; something we just couldn’t live without (and usually only for three easy payments of $19.99!).
Indeed, the latter such commercials are the most dangerous, coming at a time when our sleep-deprived minds are at their most susceptible moments; and by susceptible, I mean susceptible to buying crummy, useless products you never should’ve bought.
My previous list of 12 Everyday Products You’ve Been Using Completely Wrong, proves that in some cases, companies aren’t marketing their products to their fullest potential and allowing consumers to see some of the not-so-obvious benefits of them.
That does not apply to the following items. The following items were marketed so expertly that every possible use of the item was shown and magnified by 1.1 million times its actual usefulness. In short, you were tricked; we were all tricked. Tricked into buying these less than useful items that we thought would change our lives.
What are these useless products you never should’ve bought (or should hide your wallet from if you ever come across)? Read on to find out.
7. Phonefingers
Everyone hates a screen all smudged up from grubby fingers touching it, don’t they? Hate it! Why not get Phonefingers to spare you the smeared mess of daily tapping and swiping? The latex finger covers sure seem amazingly revolutionary and useful…at least until you realize you could just wear any old pair of gloves to accomplish the same thing…or buy a screen cover…
6. HD Vision Glasses
They sound amazing don’t they? See the world in HD, with enhanced clarity and color? They sound like something you’d never want to take off. The obvious HD comparison (and one used in the marketing for many such glasses) is to TVs, with claims that the glasses enhance vision the same way HDTVs have enhanced display quality over other TVs. Yet TVs actually generate their own displays. How exactly can glasses improve your own existing vision? The short answer is they can’t, and the bold claims of enhanced clarity are mostly fantasy.
5. Ezcracker
Because eggs are so hard to crack right? The only thing easier would be to get out a contraption, load the egg up in it, and split it apart like it must have felt when man split the atom; what could be more sublime than that? Or, at least that’s what the creators would have you believe. In reality, you should just learn to crack an egg yourself. It’s not that hard…honest.
4. Potty Patch
When you’re just too lazy to take Fido out for a walk, spend your valuable time and money instead on buying him an indoor potty patch, so he can go without ever going. Don’t mind that resulting smell; it’s only the animal urine and feces festering in the bottom of the contraption. A breath of fresh air compared to having to go outside for a breath of fresh air, am I right?
3. Gutter Rake
Here’s another invention that sounds great on the surface. After all, anyone who’s cleaned a gutter (myself included) knows what an annoying, laborious job it is lugging a ladder around, climbing up it and cleaning out a small section of gutter. Then climbing down. Then repeating the process. Then wishing you could jump off the ladder and plunge to the ground below to twist your ankle and lay there in self pity for awhile. Indeed, a 30-foot rake that can clean the length of an entire gutter out in one fell swoop sounds like a time (and ankle) saver; until you actually try standing on a ladder and wielding a 30-foot long rake. You’ll be right back to dreaming of plunges off ladders in about 12 seconds.
2. Laser-Guided Pool Cue
Anything with lasers has to be good right? Wrong, as evidenced by the laser-guided pool cue, which does nothing but show a light on your ball so you can see the aiming of your pool cue, supposedly improve your aim (it’s not like you hold the cue a mile away from the ball, is it really that hard to aim properly?). The thing is, most people don’t have a problem with their aim, they have a problem with their technique and their shot aiming, and those are things the laser-guided pool cue does nothing to remedy. +1 point for having a laser, -63 points for uselessness.
1. The Snuggie
It’s a fuzzy blanket with arm holes. What could be more useful?? (dripping sarcasm) The Snuggie is the perfect accessory for the people who are too cheap to turn their heat up enough so they’re not freezing in their houses, have never heard of sweaters, and/or can’t manage to do whatever they need to do with a blanket or other cover that is bereft of arm holes.