Don’t do the crime if you don’t even want to end up in one of the 10 easiest federal prisons to do time.
I watch Orange is the New Black and I know I could never survive in jail. First of all, I’m terrified of bunk beds. Once you’ve rolled out of one once, you’re done, it’s over. I wouldn’t even want to be on the bottom bunk. Your girl has back problems and needs memory foam to survive. I need snacks every two hours or I’ll get a migraine. I know constant sour gummy worms or Cheez-Its don’t happen in prison. I’m also a small, beautiful person who isn’t tough enough to handle being yelled at all the time. If a guard yelled at me I would crumple up into a ball and cry. I’d probably end up in solitary confinement. I don’t think I’d even ever be able to commit a crime in the first place. At least not on purpose. One of my biggest fears is committing a crime without knowing it and then getting in trouble. I’d cry in court. Lawyers are scary and so are judges. I love watching Law & Order, but I don’t think I’d want my life to be executive produced by Dick Wolf. Federal prison sounds horrifying because it means you did something so bad that normal prison won’t suffice. You’re occupying the same space as murderers and rapists and some criminals even have neck tattoos, which means they’re way cooler than I could ever be. They could break my limbs just by looking at me.
To compile this list, the main data used is from the Federal Bureau of Prisons. The list was generated using categories like minimum-security and low-security. Minimum-security prisons (seven results) were added to the list automatically, and the rest of the low-security prisons we sorted according to CNBC’s research on the same topic. In the end, for every prison on the list we found information about allowed visits per week and the number of inmates based on the prison handbooks. The more family visits allowed, the better the prison is, typically. If you want to find out about some prisons with way too many people in them, take a look at our list of the 11 Countries with the Highest Prison Population in the World.
Keep reading to learn more about the 10 easiest federal prisons to do time: