12 Funny Lessons Learned in High School

It is without a doubt that I can tell you: I’ll never forget all the funny lessons I learned in high school, in fact, they’re greatly responsible for who I am today. That’s serious stuff. Puberty is a strange time of your life; your body and mind are embarking on a long process of metamorphosis that will turn you into the exact opposite of a butterfly: a teenager.

A teenager is basically a smelly, shapeless, undefined draft copy of an adult human but not quite it. It walks, it talks, it craps, but it lacks reason, the world is unknown to them so there’ll be a lot of stumbling and falling. Later you get used to it, and then at some point it just grows old, but when you are a teenager everything is like THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER. Your heart runs wild with every new experience, every new emotion, you begin your journey of –disgusting- self-discovery, and hormones take over the Earth. And all of this is exactly the reason why we do so much stupid sh*t in our teens. Funny or not, every life lesson that you learn in high school is important.

Now, as for which lessons qualify as the funniest, Chandler Bing depicts it perfectly in this 6-second video (click here) . So, there are two varieties of funny: there’s “haha funny” (like mischief and drinking), and there’s “Blow your brains out funny”, also known as “irony”. Some things you learn in high school you don’t realize you have learned them until later in life. An example of two different kinds of things I learned in high school would be: “carry illegal substances in my bra” (haha funny) vs “my parents actually knew shit and I didn’t get it AT ALL” (irony). Funny enough, as I wrote this article I realized the second kind also works as advice.

For the last, I want to give a special mention to someone who taught me many important lessons as a teen: Harry Potter. This is why I’ve embedded a Harry meme in the title of each item for your amusement. Warning: some are dirty. Now, go, learn things you already know; and if you don’t, it’s about time you do! Go! Run!

12. It is OK to cheat on a test

As long s you don’t get caught. It does sound funny, but let me tell you something: If you need to cheat on a test, then you’re being tested on your memory and not your comprehension of the subject, and that’s just a big pile of bull. I don’t like to think so much cheating, as rather a “memory aid”. Tests should judge our understanding of the matter; forcing student’s to learn things by heart and making them write a page long answer is pointless. They’ll learn it, yes, but unless they have a privileged memory, they’ll probably forget it all in a year’s time.
Take math: for example: it is absolutely ludicrous that we’re not allowed to have a piece of paper with the formulas you need, if you don’t know how to use them you are going to fail anyway, so why make life harder for those who actually understand that crap; isn’t that the important thing? How is remembering it identically going to help? It’s not going to make them “cheaters in life”, that’s silly.
“If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough”
Albert Einstein said that. Or was it Richard Feynman? Maybe it was just a random guy on the internet. The point is: WHO CARES? If you got the point, then you’re good to pass.

11. The time to do Illegal stuff is now

By no means am I saying you should go around breaking every law, but if you feel the need to be a trouble maker, it’s better to get it out of your system before you turn 18. Children and teens often feel the urge to commit petty crimes, you probably have, and it doesn’t make you bad or anything. A lot of people I know have at least once stolen something redundant (a piece of candy, office supplies, accessories, even clothes or money), and everyone has certainly thought about it at one time or another. Of course, if you commit a serious crime, likes shooting up a school (don’t do that), the consequences will be harsh, but still not as harsh as if you were an adult.
I repeat: do not shoot up a school.

10. Masturbation is an important and healthy part of life

And fun. Like really, when was something healthy been this much fun? Most people discover masturbation during childhood -it’s just human nature, ask a doctor– but they don’t know what it is until they reach puberty. Masturbation helps unclog your metaphorical and literal pipes, rendering you serene in body and mind. Just as well, exploring your own body is key to having a good sex life in the future, so do it as much as you want! Just try not to hurt yourself, ok?

9. Drinking is fun until you puke your guts out

“But the legal drinking age is 18”
B*tch please! EVERYONE gets wasted at least once in before college, and if they’re too dorky and to partake of the experience, they surely saw many friends go through it. Later in life, as you grow older and wiser (not the same thing, so age varies), you learn your limits and how to control yourself, but when you’re a teen you just keep going until you spew and/or pass out. Now, how do we learn this? At hand of the worst, endless, vomit stained hangovers ever. When you’ve had enough of those you learn to choose your battles.

8. Standing up to bullies is worth it

I’m not sure how to handle bullying as a boy, but as a girl, if you’re being psychologically abused by one of “The Plastics”, just tell her to suck it. Bullies are f*cking losers in a costume. It’s important to know how to throw a good punch just in case that’s not enough. Not at school of course, but if she comes at you anywhere else, give it to her. It’s not necessary you learn Krav Maga, just watch a YouTube video explaining how to throw a punch and how to protect yourself. If you’d like to take it a little further, flexing is also a good exercise; but don’t go around punching people just because you know how.

7. Puppy love is awesome

It is later in life you realize how deep love can really cut, but for the duration of puberty every love seems to be magnificent and undying. Experiencing that sensation for the first time is just unbelievable, and it feels as if you’re the only two people who have ever felt that. SOOOO CHEESY. Just as well, when you get dumped you feel like it’s the worst thing that has ever happened to you… until you fall in love again the next month.

6. Virginity is overrated

One of the funny lessons I learned in high school is that it’s probably better to get rid of your virginity before your time there is over, that way you’ll be ready for college, where the fun really begins. This doesn’t mean you should start having sex right away or that you should go around sleeping with everyone, but don’t be afraid to go with your impulses, just be informed and USE PROTECTION. Sex is great, if you’re mentally and physically prepared for it, so it’s important not to rush things, but most importantly, don’t torture yourself with feelings of guilt or fear: you are doing nothing wrong.

5. Drugs are fun but dangerous

Drugs are a delicate matter and should be treated with respect, otherwise they might bring you trouble. Most people smoke weed for the first time in high school, and many try other stuff too. It IS TRUE that there is a dangerous limit between good and bad experiences. Take LSD for example, it can be a happy journey of self-discovery, or a trip to hell. However, drugs should not be feared either; if you take something and start getting scared or anxious about it, there’s a possibility you are going to have a bad time. If you’re going to do drugs, do it with love AND AWARENESS, not fear. And for those who have never done any, you should not be prejudice about things you haven’t tried.
And one more thing: there IS such a thing as smoking too much weed.

4. The magic world of boobies and wee-wees

Everybody knows when you reach your teens a volcano of hormones explodes inside you, rendering you a smelly, greasy, hairy, awkward sea of bodily fluids dripping everywhere. Let’s say it out loud: most teenagers are ugly af; both their bodies and personalities are morphologically undefined. However, this doesn’t prevent them from gong hormone-crazy horny-pants and getting acquainted with other hideous teen-type beings, and their smelly bodies. Other than the smell, there’s really nothing wrong with it; hakuna those matatas as much as you like, provided you feel ready and– I repeat- USE PROTECTION; don’t be a f*king idiot. That’s a lesson you don’t’ want to learn.

3. Being cool is a matter of confidence

Some unlucky people learn it way later, but being a mumbling idiot is no good when it comes to seduction. Teenagers are like magpies, they’re attracted to shiny things, so that’s what you should do: shine. I’m going to be realistic with you: It is not true that you need to actually like yourself to be liked by others, you just have to look like you do. Of course, it’s always better if you do, confident phonies are THE WORST. Also, self-confidence is THE KEY (listen up, guys!) to get your crush to like you.

2. Haters gonna hate no matter what

High school is a time where you have no idea of who you are, or who you want to be, but what you do have is the chance to try things out, and you never know what hidden talents you might discover. Still, you will never be liked by everyone, it’s inevitable; someone’s always going to throw bs your way, no matter how “normal” you are, so why bother? Repeat after me: There-is-no-such-thing-as-normal. Just be whoever YOU feel like being; it’s important to learn not to give a crap about the rest. This is very useful later in life, but still always bear in mind that… (click next)

1. Parents know sh*t, listen to them

I’ll start by being an old fart and saying: listen to your parents and don’t lie to them… that much. This is the best example of an ironic funny lesson you should learn in high school that’ll come in handy later in life. As you grow up you realize that parents are people too, who have led full lives and will tell you amazing anecdotes if you listen to them for more than 5 minutes, I swear. For this and many reasons, so you should (being the keyword) learn to cultivate that relationship and then drill from the well. Basically just try not to do too much bad sh*t, and if you do, don’t be stupid about it! Nice and silent, no clues.
Parents, like any domestic animal, should be trained. The important thing is to establish an implicit pact of mutual trust; you’ll be honest, and they’ll be understanding. It’s not easy, but in time it pays off. Eventually, you inevitably reach the age where you realize getting into awful disputes with your parents is so last year, but this comes later. Before that, it’s better to have them as your friends than your enemies, fo sho.

I hope you’ve had a nice trip down memory lane, and maybe even learned something too. Don’t be a stranger (danger)!