15 Clever, Funny Investment Club Names Ideas

Surely Warren Buffett and his team require no help to concoct clever, funny investment club names ideas, but if you are a bit of a finance dummy –as is yours truly- then you might be in need of a little help with the basis of the matter. So, let’s keep it simple.

Before we list clever, funny investment club names ideas, perhaps we should begin by answering a simple question that I think you’ll find very relevant: what is an investment club? Well, it’s basically a bunch of people who pool their money and use it to invest in stuff. To this end, they hold periodic meetings, where they discuss previously analyzed investment possibilities and make informed, democratic decisions that they believe will profit all. It’s quite an easy endeavor in comparison to other options, and pretty cheap to form, operate and maintain. It is also a great way to make contacts, meeting people who share your interests, and learn a little something about the investment world without taking on risks too high.

In his article on Good Names for Investment Companies, our writer Tim proposes three ideas to name your enterprise:

#1 – Naming the fund after yourself

#2 – Places/things of personal import

#3 – Impressive or stately-sounding names

As he properly states, the first one is the most unoriginal of all –that is unless your name’s a hilarious damn hoot. The second says a little bit about yourself without being plainly dull and narcissistic. The third one aims to inspire confidence in third parties by sounding encouragingly stable.

Given that we’re playing it funny and clever, I will add my own resources to find a name that will suit your needs:

#4 – Look for synonyms: whatever words you’re thinking of using, shake them up a bit.

#5 – Think of clever wordplay: everybody loves a good pun, but don’t overdo it (you’re not as funny as you think)

#6 – Keep it sassy: don’t be afraid to give a little cheek (non-fellatio related)

#7 – Use the internet: go into this company name generator and type “pussy”, see what happens.

#8 – Get ideas from pop culture: songs, movies, sayings, etc. are always a good starting point for inspiration.

My biggest advice, however, is this:

#9 – Find out what the members have in common and take off from there. Whatever, it’ll always serve you well when trying to give it a personal touch.

Methodologically speaking, I’ve found it easier to think of the clever, funny investment club names ideas in categories (five of them to be specific), which are the following:

– For gals

– For bros

– For potheads

– For mixed-race collectives

– For money lovers

What I will do is give you a brief intro in each case, and then provide you with three ideas for every category, so you actually get how it’s done. Now click next for some clever, funny investment club names ideas!

15- For the Gals: “The Fuzz Box Group”

Like I said earlier, a clever, funny investment club name idea works or not depending on who the people in the club actually are.

Say you’re a group of chicks pulling your cash together in order to invest in causes that you think will benefit bourgeois women, including yourselves, but you don’t want to sound like resting-bitch-faced boring twats. What’s a girl to do?

Well, what do you have in common? That’s right, your lovely muffs, so here’s a short list of cheeky synonyms you can go for (I’ll throw more in later):

Venus butterfly, beaver, slice of heaven, fuzz box, bikini bizkit, Jewel box, rosebud, cupid’s cupboard.

The one I found more accurate is “The Fuzz Box Group”. It’s funny, it’s kinky, and I think the message is quite clear.

14- For the Gals: “South Mouth Advantage”

Here’s part two of our Pu$$y synonym list:

Republic of A-Labia, crack of heaven, Furby, pink cookie, Holy Grail, pink panther, south mouth, hot pocket.

I’m not entirely sure of how popular the expression “south mouth” actually is, but to me it’s pretty obvious what it’s referring to. The great thing about this name is that, even though it’s funny and smart, it’s not too improper… At first sight. Wondering what’s next on the list of clever, funny investment club names ideas list? Click next.

13- For the Gals: “Honey Pot Investments”

And now for part three of our list of “vagina” affiliations:

Cherry pop tart, pink portal, Honey pot, panty hamster, deep pink, gizmo, mystical fold.

And the winner is… “Honey Pot Investments”! (Crowd cheers frenetically)

You girls have worked for that honey, so now it’s time to spread on any toast you want.

’ll throw in one more for free, because we galls got to stick together: “Panty Hamster Trust”. Actually, I think it might be my favorite.

12- For the Bros: “Jimmy, Johnson, Peter & Willy, Inc.”

A group of bros aiming for a startup investment club may be feeling mighty-manly at the time, so why not make the best of the unnecessarily large number of equivalents of the word “penis” that our patriarchal society has provided us with? Here “come” a few:

Alabama black snake, anaconda, bald-headed, baloney pony, big Dick and the twins, big Italian salami, Peter, boom stick, bratwurst, chubbie, jimmy, Johnson, rocket, dangler, ding-a-ling, Willy

Since there are so many male first names there, I’d shoot for something kind of smooth, such as Jimmy, Johnson, Peter & Willy, Inc. I love it, it sounds so serious but it’s actually completely gross, in a gentlemanly way.

11- For the Bros: “Tallywacker & Co.”

Here’s part two of dick replacements:

Ding dong, dinky, dipstick, disco stick, D train, general, giggle stick, hockey cocky, hooded, hotdog, John Thomas, joystick, knob, love muscle, tallywacker, love shaft, master of ceremonies, meat popsicle, meat thermometer, Mr. Winky

I had to look up what “tallywacker” really meant, so in case you don’t know it either, it’s “A length of rope used to count sheep. The shepherd would tie a knot every 10 sheep. If one slowed up he would whack them with the tally rope.” It’s either that or a gargantuan dong. It’s not very elegant, but it sure as hell is funny!

10- For the Bros: “Broners UnLtd.”

Here’s the last bunch of penises I have to offer:

One-eyed monster/snake, Ph.D, pickle, pocket rocket, pop a chub, pork sword, putz, salami, sausage, schlong, skin flute, stiffy, tent pole, third leg, broner,  throbber, tonsil tickler, tool, trouser meat, tube steak, weenier.

If you want to add a little wordplay, you could give Broners Unlimited a shot, although I must say, it does sound a little gay. I just get this image of a bunch of dudes waving their schlongs around and against each other in celebration.

Bonus Idea: if you want to be a total pig, I think “Pork Sword Management” works too.

9- For the Potheads: “Poking Smot Advantage”

In this case I searched for some synonyms for “smoking a joint”, and for “weed”, so here’s my first sum-up:

Blaze, bug out, bun, chief, choke, crossfade, dirp, ent, poke smot, fire it up, get right, hotbox, Chino, combustible herbage, crippy, cronick, dank, doobie, drat, Dutchie.

Personally, I’ve always been a fun of the wordplay “to poke smot”, but it might be a little worn out. In any case, even though it’s ingenious and involves some nice wordplay, it’s not very “subtle” -which doesn’t matter anyway, because it’s not subtlety we’re going for.

8- For the Potheads: “Puff-Puff-Give Initiative”

Here’s part two for the greeny-green-green:

Fatty boom blatty, giggle, load a fat one, puff-puff-give, mez, nugget, roach, schwag, shake, sticky icky icky, pull bong, shotgun, spark up, tea time, toke, torch up, stick, hippie lettuce.

If you want to go all out there you’re welcome to borrow “Puff-puff-give Capital”. Just as un-subtle as the previous, this idea gets me in a special way, because I think it truly gets the communal part of the investment club concept; it makes me think of friendship.

7- For the Potheads: “Summer Blaze Funds”

Last but not least we have:

Hog leg, hooter, kind bud, la la, left-handed cigarette, limbo, loud, mighty wake and bake, blaze up, go up to bat, toke, treats, wacky tobaccy, woolies, zombie.

Out of the three ideas, this is certainly the most conspicuous, and that’s why I like it. It’s more like a wink, instead of being all out there. It’ll kind of make people wonder, ask themselves “are they talking about what I think they’re talking about?”. All things duly considered, I think it might actually be the best choice.

6- For the Mixed-Race: “United Colors of Investment”

If what you and your pals have in common is that when you get together you look like you’re having an ONU meeting, then the best you can do is exploit that to the max. Granted, you have to be a bit of a cynic, or at least not give many f*cks about political correctness, but it’s sure a good way to get clever, funny investment club names ideas.

Without even having looked for synonyms, pop culture gave me a great answer: “United Colors of Investment”. It might be a little cliché, but I think it really tackles all of the requirements.

5- For the Mixed-Race: “Mocha-Latte Money Club”

When looking for synonyms for “mixed race”, I think at first I found more euphemisms than anything. Most of the stuff just sounded very “we’re trying so hard not to offend”-ish. However, as I dug a little deeper, sh*t got wild. So wild in fact, that Urban Thesaurus has actually apologized for featuring the stuff on their site, and blamed it on Urban Dictionary. These here, are BY FAR the softest:

Halfie, interracial homoeroticism, redbone, lmmrao, betty nguyen, tomorrow baby, combinasian, mixie, mud puppy, halfrican, flipabeano, gram cracker, japanic, mocha latte, and more.

Honestly, at one point I stopped understanding what they meant and they STILL sounded offensive. Out of all I say, my personal favorite, however, was “breeding between the lines”, but I don’t think you should put that anywhere, least of all your company name. Let’s stick with Mocha-Latte, which soulds yummy and sexy.

4- For the Mixed-Race: “Ghost Writer Partners”

We are continuing our list of clever, funny investment club names ideas and once again, pop culture has provided. Perhaps you’re too old to remember PBS show “Ghost Writer”, but in case you do recall it, you cannot deny all those kids looked like they were handpicked by the United Nations.

A ghost writer, btw, is also a person who will write a book for someone else for money, but not take the credit (and never disclose it). This gives the name a kind of double-meaning, making it more mysterious, like “who are these people?”

3- For the Money Lovers: “The Dead Presidents Group”

There is a big fat chance when forming an investment club that the main thing you and your partners have in common is the love for the bling. Considering such probability, I surfed the net in search of some synonyms for “cash”, and this is some of what I found:

An arm and a leg , ass-dough, bling-bling, dead presidents, bread and butter, bugsy, long green, WAM, woot, Benjamins, cheddar, folding stuff.

I think it’s pretty clear what the best option is. In fact, it might be my favorite out of all of the names on the list, because on top of committing to our requirements, it just sounds so darn cool! It’s also a tad reminiscent of punk band “Dead Kennedys”, too bad he isn’t on any bills. Now, let’s see the top two entries on our list of clever, funny investment club names ideas.

2- For the Money Lovers: “Cha-Ching! Securities”

Want some more clever, funny investment club names ideas? Ok, here it goes:

Cheese, do re mi, looney, megabucks, monkey, cha-ching!, moolah, pimp juice, throw down, wad, clams, scratch, Scheckel, lettuce, greenbacks

A more sensible, easy-going, and maybe even a bit dumb option would be this one. It’s funny in a childish sort of way, and through its dumbness it still reaches the required level of cleverness, I reckon.

1- For the Money Lovers: “Bitch Better Have My Money, Inc.”

There is no part three of our synonym’s list of clever, funny investment club names ideas because, like I said, pop culture is a great source of inspiration. I’m not particularly fond of Rihanna but I find this to be one of the most ridiculous, hilarious names in our ranking of clever, funny investment club names ideas. It’s not very serious, though, but that’s not what we’re aiming for anyway.

I hope this has given you some good ideas on how to title your next project. Stay clever!