I love Nikola Corporation (NASDAQ:NKLA) because the stock goes up and not down. This means the stock makes me money and I will become rich one day (I own three shares). I wanted to share my knowledge on why I’m buying Nikola Corporation hand over fist.
Trevor Milton knows how to wear a ball cap
Trevor Milton is literally awesome and my best buddy. I’ve never met Trevor. One time I had a dream that me and Trevor were macking on chicks at a bar. We got laid. Trevor also knows how to wear a nice ball cap which means he is a CEO. I read in Barron’s that the best indicator of a good CEO is their ability to wear a hat like a rapper.
Crayolas “Tickle Me Pink” has signed over exclusive rights for the bob truck
The biggest hidden asset Nikola Motors has is the pink bob truck. What makes this truck special is that Crayola Crayon’s “Tickle Me Pink” color has signed over exclusive rights to use only on this truck. I estimate this hidden asset to be worth over $50 billion. My thesis for this is as follows: Pink is a nice color. Victoria Secrets uses pink on hot models. Hot models wearing pink = nice.
The Vice President of Development interacts with funny accounts on Twitter
Jason whatever his last name is, is a funny guy. He interacts with funny accounts on Twitter and tries to DOX them. This makes me laugh and is huge hidden asset. The golden rule of investing is, “if an executive is spending all of their time Tweeting, buy the stock.” I have put all of my money ($45 bucks) into Nikola after seeing these tweets.
The Prospectus is long and I didn’t read it
I opened Nikola’s Prospectus and it was very long and super boring looking. It also had a ton of numbers and words I did not understand. I literally only saw one picture. I didn’t read it. And I decided to look up Nikola videos on YouTube instead. I then had a bowl of chili and accidentally spilled it on my cat (she died).
Trevor has memorized all of the single letter elements in the periodic table that start with H
Trevor is a genius. I know this because of the way he looks. Trevor has also memorized all of the single letter elements in the periodic table that start with H. This makes Trevor really popular on Wall Street which means the stock is going to go up.
Conclusion: Buy the Stock
I am buying Nikola Corporation hand over fist. Right now I own three shares of the company. I get paid $7.50 per hour. I believe I can accumulate a few more shares and become really rich (means lots of money). If the stock goes up to a million it means each of my shares will be worth around a million dollars.
This satire article first appeared on The Stonk Market.