6 of the Worst Greeting Card Messages Ever Crafted

Wonder what the worst greeting card messages are? The older you get, the lazier you feel when you need to get a present. When you were a kid, it was ten times easier: just draw something on a piece of paper and give it to dad. Now, it’s not that simple. You’re gift has to be thoughtful, sweet, caring, funny… it has to mean something!

If you decide to go with a greeting card, then it’s the same thing. Although, there’s a huge problem with greeting cards: the message. If you ever thought you could just buy a card in a rush and let that be a good gift, then think again, or you could end up sending a loved one an awful card similar to the worst greeting card messages we’ve compiled for you here.

Hallmark Cards Inc. and some other greeting cards companies have been famous for their cards for decades now, and they’re big business. Likewise, their writers make a lot of money to think up witty and poignant things for others to say through them. Yet not everything they come up with is gold. In fact some of it is downright disturbing. Whether it’s humor that just doesn’t fly, or cards that are just flat out snarky or mean, you have to wonder what some writers, editors, and publishers were thinking printing these cards and shipping them out to retailers.

Over the years we’ve seen multiple messages on greeting cards that we just couldn’t get off of our minds, especially if they’re some of the worst greeting card messages we’ve ever seen. Much like we can say about the messages contained in our recent piece on The 40 Best Fortune Cookie Sayings That Will Leave You Bemused, Befuddled, or Beguiled.

Because it’s not just that they’re bad, offensive or lame, it’s the fact that they were not created with that purpose. We laugh at them because they were supposed to make someone feel better, or you bought them to make someone laugh. But they didn’t. Below are some of those cards, the worst greeting card messages you could ever express to someone. Let the terrifying countdown begin!

6. And I hope that person doesn’t have low self esteem…

  Photo: Etsy

5. I don’t think even your best friend is going to laugh at this one.

Photo: Hallmark

4. “Mom, you made me who I am. Whether that’s good or bad is a matter of opinion”

Classic Freud, blame it on the parents. I’m sure mom wants to hear this on her birthday…

 Photo: Etsy

3. Looking for something subtle? Then look the other way, this is not the one.

Photo: The Oatmeal

2. This screams “intervention” to me. Trying to help a friend? Please, do it in a sweet way if you don’t want to end up with their fist hitting your face.

Photos: Etsy

1. I don’t even know what this is supposed to mean.

Photo: Cardstore

So now you know what happens when you’re doing your Christmas shopping and not really paying attention… Of course this doesn’t free us from the universe of the worst greeting card messages, but at least you can take a friend with you to make sure you’re not making these horrible mistakes.

By Nadia Rosenchtejer