Apple Inc. (AAPL), The Walt Disney Company (DIS): Where’s My Mac N’ Cheese?!

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How I miss the NBC show, “30 Rock”. Suave exec Jack Donaghy asks head writer Liz Lemon if she watches CNBC. “No, CNBC gives me a headache. I get all my money advice from PBS.” Cut to Liz on sofa watching a cartoon fox asking, “Where should I put my money? Tech stocks or the housing market?” Liz jumps up and down screaming,”Tech stocks, Foxy Moneybags!! Tech stocks!!”

All I can say is a sotto voce, exasperated Donaghy-ism, “Good God, Lemon!”

Liz, like the 34% of women who don’t understand investing according to surveys and who think “Blerg,” whenever stock stories come on TV, you can easily put together a portfolio that’s less risky than your hapless love life and more dependable than your TGS stars Tracy Jordan and Jenna Moroney (fun clips here or below).

Where’s my mac n’ cheese?!

Liz, start off by buying a company you love. After you turned over the break room table screaming for your mac n’ cheese, it’s obvious you’re a fan of Kraft Foods Group Inc (NASDAQ:KRFT).

Kraft Foods hit a 52-week high on May 3 and offers a 3.90% yield. That’s very good, Liz. The consumer staple giant has a 19.31 P/E and a PEG of 3.08, somewhat high for a defensive stock.

The company just reported a solid Q1 on May 2, with growth of 2.1% in net revenue to $4.5 billion, operating income growth of 9.2%, and EPS of $0.76 with a $0.12 and $0.13 charge for restructuring charges and interest expense, respectively, after it split from Mondelez, the international part of the former Kraft. The company reaffirmed its guidance for the rest of 2013, expecting $2.75 in EPS and $1 billion in free cash flow.

Kraft Foods Group Inc (NASDAQ:KRFT) operates in five divisions: Beverage, Refrigerated Meals, Cheese, International & Foodservice, and Grocery, which includes your fave Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Their brands are in 98% of American kitchens.

Tech stocks, Foxy Moneybags!

Liz, your staff uses Macs to write skits. Why not buy Apple Inc. (NASDAQ:AAPL) now that it pays a dividend?

Don’t be late to this party, Liz; Apple Inc. (NASDAQ:AAPL) gained back over 15% since its 52-week low of $385.10 and pays a 2.8% dividend at a 10.74 P/E. That’s very good as Foxy Moneybags would tell you, better than most big techs and at a 0.54 PEG, a bargain.

You know its iPhone, its iPods, iTunes, and iPads; and now it’s in the cloud. Get Jack to explain that to you. It also has the lowest (best) corporate governance risk rating of 1 and  no debt.

Apple Inc. (AAPL)Understand there’s always naysayers on Apple Inc. (NASDAQ:AAPL) since Steve Jobs passed and the Next Big Thing isn’t here…yet. Activist investor David Einhorn nags them to stop hoarding their cash. Pundits complain it’s not a growth stock anymore; it’s a mature company, a value name at best. Don’t listen, Liz, you can have it all: career, love, and a growth and value stock.

Image: Apple Inc. (NASDAQ:AAPL)

I want to go to there!

Yes, that’s the famous line you uttered when you first saw Jon Hamm (sigh, me too) as your doctor neighbor. You know showbiz, Liz, and you just adopted two kids. You’re going to become intimately familiar with The Walt Disney Company (NYSE:DIS). It’s the biggest branding company globally and owns ABC, ESPN, the Disney channels, the travel destination parks, cruise line, and the movies whose lines you will know by heart.

Since you dressed as Princess Leia to avoid jury duty, you’ll be pleased to know Disney bought Lucasfilms and its Star Wars franchise. It also bought  Marvel and all its characters. Marvel character action film “Iron Man 3” will likely be a blockbuster here, opening overseas to record box office numbers.

Disney has a 20.90 P/E with a 1.20% yield. It hit yet another 52-week high on May 2 of $64.85 for a 51% gain over the last year. Its operating margin is 20.74%. The only thing to consider is that The Walt Disney Company (NYSE:DIS) holds $17.46 billion in total debt to $3.21 billion in cash. Liz, you  know better than anyone that entertainment companies run their business like this so it’s not a Dealbreaker.

What the what?!!

KableTown rationed flu shots for employees and you bristled at the unfairness, “What the what?!” Jack said, “Important people get better healthcare.” Ouch. What he should have said is it’s important to get a better healthcare stock and one of the best Big Pharma names is Pfizer Inc. (NYSE:PFE), maker of Viagra (that’s right) and many other drugs.

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